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A few conversations took place yesterday between the Lebanese President Michel Sleiman and Iran’s ambassador to Lebanon Ghazanfar (Ghadanfar) Roknabadi. It started with a phone call…

(ring ring ring, ring ring ring, ring ring ring…)

Ghadanfar: errr…hello

Michel: oh thanks for picking up, at last.

Ghadanfar: Ok, I see. Hello sir. How can I help?

Michel: What’s wrong with Jaafari?

Ghadanfar: Wrong? Jaafari? Our Jaafari? He seemed fine to me.

Michel: Fine? And yes, it’s your Jaafari. All Jaafaris are yours. He said something about few revolutionary advisors around here. As if I needed more black shirts guys.

Ghadanfar: Oh really? So you think each Zelzal-2 comes with a manual of instructions?

Michel: Oooh shit, we have upgraded to version 2 now?

Ghadanfar: Ahh, look, you don’t worry about that. We will look after everything. Upgrades can be complicated. Sometimes they come with viruses.

Michel: Ok, but how many times we said let’s keep it between us. Now Faris Saayyied knows about it.

Ghadanfar: I see where this is coming from. When you hear something you don’t like from us, then it’s must be the translation.

Michel: Again? I even tried this excellence work myself before. Anyway, do you want to come around for a chat.

Ghadanfar: Not a problem, but can we do it over the phone.

Michel: No, no. You need to come here. You need to be seen on TV.

Ghadanfar: ok, fine. Can we do it next week? I am going to shop for some ties nearby, so I can drop by then. I also can bring some dates.

Michel: Listen, you need to come here, please. I promise I will make it up. I have few anti-Israel statements ready to me made next week.

Ghadanfar: Ok, I will come now. Sayyid Nasrallah is busy today protesting about some idiot whom no one knows. Dunno why always the world doesn’t believe or understand us. It’s like no one understands Persian except Persians. Death to America.

Photo credit: The Daily Star/Dalati Nohra/HO